Never Pass Out At Parties
by Xantho Karob
Summary: New years party at central, Ed drinks too much, passes out. Rated T for mild language and underage drinking.
1. the party

Hi. I thought this story up in about 2 minutes, so go easy on me. This is my first fanfic so I hope its okay. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, so dont sue me, I'm broke anyway.

**Never Pass Out At A Party**

It was well after midnight on New Years Eve, but the party at Central was still going on. Everybody was having a good time, even the normally stoic Hawkeye was

beginning to loosen up. An open bar usually had that effect on people. "Oh dear god, you have got to be kidding me" Mustang exclaimed as he noticed Havoc and Hughes

across the room. They both had lampshades on their heads even though there were no lamps in sight. It looked like they were both trying to sing karaoke using beer bottles

as microphones. Mustang continued loohing around the room and he spotted Edward and Alphonse in a corner. 'This ought to be interesting' he thought to himself as he

noticed a beer in Ed's hand. Smirking, Roy walked over to them and set his evil plan into motion. "You know, you really shouldn't drink alcohol at your age, it might stunt

your growth." Mustang smiled even bigger when Ed yelled "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE HAS TO REACH UP TO TIE HIS SHOELACES?" The party stopped

for about 2.3 seconds when everybody turned to stare at Ed. "There is no reason to get mad" Mustang said "You are the one drinking underage." Ed replied "Yeah, but its

New Years, so I didnt think that rule applied." Mustang simply shook his head and sighed. "Normally I would frown on such things, but I shall let it slide today. Just dont

Drink too much." As he walked away, Ed muttered the word idiot under his breath and finished his beer. 'That ought to get him drinking more' Mustang thought to himself. 2

hours, 4 beers, and 6 shots of tequilla later, the oldest Elric brother was completely passed out on a couch that was dragged into the room by Al. Mustang quickly

gathered Havoc, Hughes, and Al so they could carry out the rest of his evil plan. All four of them surrounded Ed's sleeping body with various items of mischief and a

camera. "This is gonna be good" Mustang said to nobody specific.

_the next morning..._

Ed woke up on a couch with a throbbing headache and the urgent need to pee. As he stumbled down the hallway to reach a bathroom, he had no idea the horrors that

awaited him. He reached the bathroom and was thankful that he made it. As he went to wash his hands he saw something that he really did not need to see. His hair had

been put into pigtails, his eyebrows had been shaved off, and somebody put lipstick and eyeshadow on his face. There was also writing on his forehead and with some

dificulty he read the words Fullmetal Midget written in marker. " I swear when I see Mustang, I am going to break every bone in his body." Ed said. ''Maybe I can sneak out

of here and wash all this off at home before someone sees me.'' Ed proceded to go ninja and snuck out of the building, quickly heading home. Since almost everybody was

on vacation for the next few days, Ed's eyebrows had some time to grow back before going back to Central. As he walked into the building, everybody he passed snickered

at him behind his back. This confused him until he reached the main lobby. Everywhere he looked, there were pictures of him passed out with the makeup and pigtails.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Ed yelled. "I AM SO GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD MUSTANG WHEN I SEE HIM."

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So, what did you think? please review, I would like to recieve any kind of feedback.


	2. revenge

Part 2- Revenge

_1 week after the 'party incident'_

After hours of thinking, Ed still hadn't come up with a plan that was evil enough. He had some that were too evil, but that would probably get him kicked out of the military. Finally he gave up and asked Al for help. Al thought for a moment and came up with a few pranks that were time tested and guarenteed to make Mustang mad. Ed loved them all and couldnt pick just one, so he decided to combine them into one giant day from hell. "This should teach him to mess with me" Ed said with a crazy look in his eyes.

_The next morning, Mustang's house._

It was like any other morning for Roy. He got out of bed, downed his coffee, skipped breakfast as usual, and got ready to head out the door. He was in a morning daze, so it took him a while to notice how dark it was. Confused, he went to his bedroom window and found that the outsides had been spraypainted black. He quickly went outside to find that all the windows were black and the word BASTARD was written in giant letters on his house. "Dammit, I just had my house painted last week!" the irate colonal exclaimed. After a quick call to some people who owed him favors, he set off on his way to Central. "I know exactly who did this and I am going to wring his little neck when I find him."

_Meanwhile, on the roof of Central Headquarters..._

"Here he comes, get ready" said Ed, who couldnt stop giggling. If Al had a face, it would look concerned. "are you sure we should be doing this, you could get in a lot of trouble." Ed tried his best to look serious when he said "he is going to get what he deserves. Plus, you are the one who thought this up." Al still didnt think it was a good idea, but he still helped to put everything into position. "Three, Two, One, Fire!" Ed yelled as he triggered the catapult, sending about fifteen water baloons in Mustang's direction. Ed's face turned from a look of joy to one of pure terror as Riza Hawkeye stepped in front of Mustang to talk to him. All the baloons landed on target, soaking both Mustang and Hawkeye. Ed turned to Al and said "we should probably get out of here now." Ed and Al quickly went downstairs and tried vainly to find a backdoor exit. Suddenly, a pissed off Hawkeye and a mildly amused Mustang came bursting in and made a beeline for the Elric brothers. Mustang was smiling because he knew their plan had backfired big time. "Just what the hell were you thinking!" Hawkeye yelled. Al turned to Ed, then looked at Riza and said "It was all Ed's fault, I had nothing to do with it." Al ran away while Ed stared dumbfounded at the space where his brother used to be. "Is this true?" she said in a calm voice that was scarier than her yelling. "Yeah, I didnt mean to hit you, I was just trying to get him back for those photos." Ed explained. "Okay, I accept your explanation, but you still hit us with water baloons." Riza told him. "since you both seem to be responsible for this happening, you both need to be taught a lesson."

Now I wont go into graphic detail, but it was a very long day for the two alchemists, and it ended with them both hanging upside down from a very tall flagpole. The morale of the story, Just let it go, its not worth it.


End file.
